When you’re a mama, there are certain things that you hear over and over again each day. In fact, you hear them so often, you can stop really thinking about what they really mean. “More” “Up” “Squeeze” “Help” “Water” hundreds of times a day. Most of these get answered on auto-pilot. Refilling sippy cups, grabbing more crackers, and offering deep pressure to help regulate sensory systems becomes second nature.
The other day, A-Man said something that he says multiple times a day, but for some reason it hit me in a completely different way. It was just like any other day. Just like any of the other millions of times he’s said it. But for some reason, it made a big impression in my mama heart.
Fix It, Mama.
It Wasn’t Anything Big (To Me)
What did he need fixed? His sleeve was bent the wrong way. It took two seconds to fix it, and A-Man was then as happy as can be. With sensory processing disorder, things that don’t seem big to other people can be huge to our kids.
While I might find a bent sleeve annoying, for A-Man it can be downright painful. When I am going through my day, as busy as can be, quickly running between fixing sleeves and pouring more cereal it can be hard to remember how important these little things are to our kids.
Taking the time to stop, acknowledge what they’re saying, and fixing whatever it is that’s hurting them is so important. They may be little things to us, but to our kids, they’re the big things.
He Trusts Me Completely
When A-Man says, “fix it, Mama” to me, there is no question. He knows that something in his life is not as it should be (remember, to him these are big things) and he trusts without hesitation that I will make it better.
All of our kids need to have this trust, but I feel like it’s even more important when your child has special needs. If something bad is happening to Mr. C, he has the ability to 1) do something about it himself, and 2) tell me about it to get help.
With A-Man, his struggles can often go unnoticed unless he finds the words to say “fix it, Mama”. I need him to know that I will fix his bent sleeve, so that when he’s older he can still come to me when the struggles are much bigger.
Don’t Miss These Moments
Often times as moms we’re so focused on the big stuff. Getting our entire homeschooling year planned or making sure that our kids make all of their therapy appointments. With so much big stuff, it can be really hard to slow down and really listen to what our kids are telling you.
There will come a day when A-Man can fix his own bent sleeve without issue, and he won’t need to ask for my help. There will come a day when Baby M can refill his own water, and won’t ask for more ten times a day.
There will be a day when Mr. C can study the Bible all by himself and he won’t need to ask so many questions about it. We need to cherish these small moments as best we can while they’re happening because one day, all too soon, they’ll be gone.
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My 10 year old daughter who is healthy now after many, many years of medical struggles has become very affectionate. She hugs and snuggles against me often throughout the day and says “I love you, Mommy.” It is just wonderful, and I appreciate it every single time — mostly because it is a reminder that we can focus on our relationship and our feelings fully now that there is the space we no longer fill with dealing with her physical needs. I also appreciate it more as I watch her older sister (appropriately) pull away from that much physical affection. Teenagers don’t want to be draped over their mothers all the time, and as I appreciate it from my littler girl, I miss it from my older girl. The world does keep turning. We need to be more present in this moment to fully realize what will go away one day!
Absolutely, Debi! Isn’t it so hard when the kiddos don’t want to snuggle anymore? Being present in the every day is so incredibly important. Like they say, the days are long but the years are short!