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I am the mom of three beautiful little boys. They’re smart, creative, independent, and fierce all in their own way. There are many things I think about and sometimes worry about as my boys grow. Will they be bullied? Will they find nice jobs that they love and have a family some day?

One thing that I’ve never really worried about is my sons getting killed for walking home at night.

Or for asking why they’d been pulled over.

Or for having the audacity to not immediately comply without question.

I don’t have to worry about these things because my sons are white, just like me. They will be given the benefit of the doubt by teachers, doctors, police officers, and store clerks. They will be called “just kids” until they’re probably twenty. They will experience white privilege in a society that inherently sees and understands their value.

Another black man has been killed by the police, and we don’t know all of the details of the case yet. He may have been armed, he may not have been. He may have committed a crime, he may not have. He may have reached for a gun and he may not have.

What we do know is that another black man was killed by the police while they had him pinned to the ground. There are two videos from bystanders, and this isn’t a unique story in the slightest.

With all of these stories piling up, I needed to write something. I’m sorry if you read this post and decide this isn’t the blog for you.

I Don’t Worry That Police Will Kill My Son

I feel really helpless when these videos and news stories go around. I don’t really know what to say or think or do.

Of course, I can leave comments on social media, everyone does. We’ll all see the comments.

• “He stole cigarettes earlier that day.”
• “She should have listened to the cop quicker”
• “What did he expect walking out looking like a thug?”
• “They had a prior criminal record.”
• “Maybe they shouldn’t have broken the law if they didn’t want to be killed.”

Think about the message that’s truly being sent. Everyone who breaks the law deserves to be killed for it? Anyone who knows their rights and challenges a cop (legally) deserves to die? Anyone who breaks a law earlier in the day or looks a way that you don’t like deserves to die?

Even that logic is completely flawed. We, thankfully, don’t live in a country where the punishment for stealing cigarettes or talking back is death. Even if those were crimes punishable by death, we as a nation, have decided that everyone has the right to a trial.

Please understand, I am not anti-police. Not in the slightest. I am anti-racism. I am against police having no accountability and too much power. I am against killing unarmed black people for doing nothing but being black.

I’d like to also take some time to say that this post was written before the tragic shooting in Dallas. I am heartbroken that officers’ lives were lost while attending the peaceful Black Lives Matter protest. The answer to our heartbreak and outrage over the police shootings is absolutely not violence. My prayers are with the victims and families in all three shootings.

What if it was Your Child?

Think about it this way. If your child stole candy from a convenience store, then later was playing with his friends and was killed. Do you think that the focus would be on the fact that he stole candy earlier? Or do you think he’d be painted as a “mostly good kid who liked to goof around”?

That distinction relies largely on the color of your child’s skin.

We’ve seen it time and time again. When a white man is arrested for a crime, we see his graduation picture, when a black man is arrested we see his mug shot.

When a white man in college brutalizes a woman, we see his swim times.

When a black man is killed by the police we see his prior record.

I know that these discussions can get uncomfortable, especially for white people. We don’t want to collectively be blamed for what a few of us are doing. I understand, trust me, I do.

But that does not mean that we can sit back and accept that this is the way things are. And it certainly doesn’t mean that we can say that the black community is overreacting or that racism is dead in this country.

We Can’t Keep Saying that Racism is Over.

Racism is absolutely still alive and well in this country, and white privilege is very much still at play.

I know *shudder* I said white privilege. You might think that’s a word that gets thrown around too much. You might think that people are trying to make you feel guilty for being white. That’s not what it’s about at all.

White privilege doesn’t mean you have it “easy”. It’s simply the understanding that there are subtle (and not so subtle) advantages and privileges given by society for being white.

A few examples:

• I could walk into a store as a teen late at night and not be followed, a black teen doesn’t have that luxury.
• If my son is walking home behind someone, he likely won’t be perceived as an immediate threat while a black boy is seen as dangerous.
• I can watch any given tv show and know that there will likely be a character I can relate to whereas black people struggle to get roles.
• If my son does drugs in high school he’ll be seen as a “dumb kid making bad choices” while his black friend will be seen as a “thug”.
• White people are statistically more likely to get and keep jobs.
• Black people are statistically more likely to be arrested for drug use even though white people use drugs just as often.

These are things we just can’t deny. Now that isn’t to say that being white means you won’t face any of those things. Maybe you’ve been followed in a store, or maybe you’ve not been able to find a job.

On the flip side, yes, some black people are “beating the odds” and becoming very successful. That does not mean it’s okay for the deck to be stacked against them.

Too many mothers are losing their children early.

Too many black kids are growing up afraid of the police.

Too many families are being broken.

Too many children are being left without their fathers.

It’s time for us to wake up. Realize that there is racism in America, and we need to stop tolerating it.

It’s become so mainstream that we watch the news for a while and see the protests. We watch the officers face no punishment, and then we forget about the whole thing until another black person is killed.

We need to stop this violence. We need to stop accepting that this is the way things are. And we need to stop blaming the black community for calling out our racism.

I’m not afraid that my sons will be killed by the police for no reason, but I am absolutely petrified that they’re growing up in a world where someone will be.

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About Kaylene

Kaylene George is an autistic self-advocate, author, and mother of five, including one autistic child. She realized her own autism as an adult shortly after her son received his initial diagnosis. Suddenly the parts of her that seemed so “weird” to society had an answer. Since then, Kaylene has passionately shared about her experiences with autism from both sides of the great divide between parents and autistic self-advocates on AutisticMama.com.