(Inside: A guide for extended family to host an autism-friendly Christmas to help their autistic loved ones enjoy the family holidays with everyone else!)
It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
There’s lights up everywhere, people are crowding stores finding the perfect gifts for their loved ones, there’s cookies to bake, family to visit, and holiday cheer all around.
I’m not kidding at all, I would love it if we could make “Christmas season” last all year round.
That being said, Christmas time can also be an extremely difficult time for autistic kids.
There are just lots of things about the holiday that don’t make for a very autism-friendly Christmas.
The lights, the smells, the crowds, and all of the things that we love about Christmas can be extremely overwhelming to someone who struggles with sensory input.
Even something as simple as visiting family for Christmas dinner can be over stimulating and downright painful to autistic kids.
So what should we do? Hiding away from November-January isn’t really an option, and we shouldn’t take away the joy and celebration of Christmas just because it’s hard for our kids to participate like others.
This is where hosting an autism-friendly Christmas comes in!
6 Steps to Host an Autism-Friendly Christmas for Autistic Children
(Image description: Young boy stands in front of a decorated Christmas tree. Coral and teal text reads: “6 Steps to Host an Autism-Friendly Christmas” on a white background. White Autistic Mama infinity logo in the top left corner.)
This post will be especially helpful to family who isn’t quite sure how to help a child with autism who will be visiting them for the holiday.
[If you’re a parent wondering how you can help prepare for a holiday, be sure to check out my post about surviving Thanksgiving with sensory struggles!]
It can be really difficult for extended family to understand the complexities of autism.
They honestly want to make the kids in their family feel comfortable and safe, but it can be hard to know how to do that practically. So I decided to put together this handy little guide with 6 simple steps to host an autism-friendly Christmas.
#1 Ask Ahead
This one is probably the most important suggestion in this entire post.
Ask the parents, or the autistic kiddo if you’re able, how you can help them with the holiday.
Maybe they need to arrive a while before everyone else to transition into the new environment before there are crowds of people there.
Maybe they need you to take pictures of different areas of your home so that they can explain them to their child well ahead of time.
The possibilities are really endless. Moms of autistic kids will come up with the most creative ways to help their child have the best possible time.
Trust me, just ask her and she’ll have a few suggestions for your autism-friendly Christmas.
#2 Consider Getting Autism-Friendly Food
A lot of autistic kids have eating struggles, so it’s a good idea to ask ahead about what types of food you can have on hand.
With A-Man, one of the biggest struggles of going somewhere else during the holidays is making sure there will be something he can eat.
Veggies are out, noodles and mashed potatoes are petrifying, the only acceptable meat is frozen chicken nuggets, and he’s hungry all the time.
All of that doesn’t really make it easy when we head to family’s houses for the holidays.
Often we bring lots of snacks (crackers, chips, etc) and we try to find him something from the meal that he can tolerate, which is often rolls.
Now, I can’t tell you what foods will be considered “safe” for your autistic family member, so go back to point one and ask ahead!
I know preparing the food is one of the most stressful parts of hosting Christmas, and we don’t want to put more of a burden on you.
That said, hosting an autism-friendly Christmas could be as simple as making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or microwaving some chicken nuggets.
Trust me, your family members will appreciate the effort!
#3 Be Flexible With Your Expectations
Often times we have expectations with how the holidays will go that we don’t even stop to think about.
The kids will get there and give hugs and kisses to all the grandmas and grandpas and aunties and uncles, then they’ll run off to start happily playing with their cousins. When it’s time to open presents there will be tons of excitement and joy as the kids all happily rip off the paper to see what goodies are inside.
These expectations may be way off base when you’re considering an autistic child.
Letting an autistic kiddo set the pace for certain interactions is going to mean less meltdowns and less headache for everyone.
Maybe they’ll give high fives to family instead of a hug, or maybe they just need their space.
Try to be okay with whatever way they show affection, or even if you can’t tell they’re showing it at all.
Opening presents in a house full of excited kids can be overstimulating for everyone, let alone autistic kids.
Understand that your autism-friendly Christmas may include the child opening presents one at a time slowly over the night and not in one chaotic free-for-all.
#4 Plan a Sensory Retreat Ahead of Time
I am not suggesting that you have a fully blown sensory room prepared for your autistic family member to hide away in, though that would be awesome! But having a space where the kid can hide away for a bit and regulate his sensory system is vital for having a happy, autism-friendly Christmas.
Maybe this simply means that you close off your bedroom so that they have a quiet space to themselves when they get overwhelmed.
Maybe you set up a quick sensory bin to help them calm down.
Even something as simple as having a comfy chair away from the chaos with a phone and some headphones can help an autistic child to calm down and enjoy their holiday.
Again, just ask the parents or the child what they think will help. They’ll probably even bring along a weighted blanket or some noise canceling headphones to help out!
#5 Explain Autism to Other Family (Especially Kids!)
Autism isn’t always the easiest thing to understand.
First off it is a huge spectrum, so it’s hard to know what to expect. Maybe your family member will only struggle to make eye contact, or maybe they’re completely non-verbal. Either way, it’s still autism.
It can also be really difficult for kids to understand because kids tend to be black and white.
The other kids in the family will think that the child with autism is being favored, or is simply naughty.
It’s really important to explain to kids, in an age-appropriate way, that their cousin’s brain works differently, so they can’t always do things the same way that other kids can.
Sometimes they don’t share toys, sometimes they don’t eat the same foods, and sometimes they don’t answer questions.
All of that is okay because we’re all different, and that’s what makes us special.
Trust me, you’ll end plenty of fights by helping the other kids understand why one of them gets chicken nuggets while they have to eat their veggies!
#6 More Than Anything Else, Be Loving
Having an autism-friendly Christmas can seem difficult, but the changes needed are really a small impact on the host. They will have a huge impact, however, for a child with autism and their family.
We often spend half of our family holidays apologizing for one thing or another, handling meltdowns, or intervening in arguments. The other half is spent trying to enjoy our holiday (and maybe grab a bite to eat) while stressing when we will need to start apologizing, handling, and intervening again.
Making some small changes, and putting forth a bit of effort into hosting an autism-friendly Christmas is one of the best ways to show your family that you care this year.
Let them know that you love your autistic family member and want to help in whatever way you can. To me, that’s showing the spirit of Christmas.
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