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Do you ever reach your boiling point and totally freak out on your kids?

I do.

I’m a mom of 6 neurodiverse children, I’m Autistic myself, and I have chronic migraines… Sometimes it’s all just too much and I freak out.

I mean… there have been days where I have just completely lost it… Yelling and turning into that “Hulk Mom” that none of us want to be.

But thankfully, that doesn’t happen often at all anymore.

The key was finding the real reason I was freaking out in the first place.

(Spoiler alert: it actually had nothing to do with my children’s behaviors)

And once I found out the reason, I was able to make some serious changes so that I could be the calm parent that I want to be.

…At least most days!

So if you ever freak out on your kids or go into Hulk Mom mode, this post will help you understand the real reason you freak out on your kids.

Mom looks angry and points finger at daughter who is looking down. Text reads: The Real Reason You Freak Out On Your Kids.

The Real Reason You Freak Out On Your Kids

Before I jump too far into the reason you freak out on your kids, I want to make something perfectly clear.

You are not a bad parent because you freak out sometimes.

You are not a bad parent if sometimes you have a headache and you can’t handle your child’s loud vocal stims.

You are not a bad parent if you’re touched out at the end of the day and you shout “STOP TOUCHING ME” when someone pulls on you for the 87th time.

You are not a bad parent if you walk into the bathroom and shut the door behind you just so you can be alone in semi-quiet for the first time all day.

I promise you, you are not a bad parent, and you’re doing your best.

This post isn’t to tell you that you’re doing anything wrong, it’s simply to help you understand why you’re freaking out so that you can do something about it and stay calm and in control.

What Causes You to Freak Out?

With all of that said, what causes you to freak out on your kids?

Triggers.

And no, I’m not talking about triggers in the “millennials are always triggered” sense.

I’m talking about the unique set of triggers that you have as a human that cause you to lose control and freak out, rather than respond to the situation in a calm way.

Can you think of the one thing your child does that nearly instantly sends you into freak out mode? That’s likely a trigger.

(Related: Want a free printable guide to know when you’re being triggered? Click here!)

What Are Triggers?

But what exactly are triggers?

I get it. The word trigger is thrown around the internet a LOT, and it can be difficult to understand what it really means.

Basically, a trigger is an action that causes an automatic reaction, rather than a calm and conscious response.

If someone dumps ice water on your head and you instantly shout “WHAT THE HECK?!” the ice water is a trigger.

Make sense?

So when it comes to parenting, our children’s behaviors are often a trigger for us, even if we don’t realize it.

Maybe it happens if your child does something unsafe. Or maybe your child is loud and you are sensitive to noise.

And when your child’s behaviors are triggering you, it’s important to recognize it and figure out why it’s happening.

But I Don’t Have Trauma

Now you might think that triggers are associated with trauma, and often they are.

You may be triggered when your child hits their sibling, for example, because you have been hit before.

But you can also have triggers that aren’t directly associated with trauma.

For example, you may be triggered by your child jumping off the couch because you have anxiety and are terrified of your child being seriously injured.

All humans have different triggers that stem from their previous trauma, experiences, beliefs, thoughts, and anxieties.

Whatever the cause of your triggers, the very first step in managing your triggers and staying calm and in control when they happen is to recognize when you’re being triggered.

How to Know If I’m Triggered?

That’s why I put together the free printable guide: Signs of Being Triggered.

This guide walks you step-by-step through the mental, physical, emotional, and verbal signs that you’re being triggered in-depth.

And it’s 100% free. You can download your guide here.

Screenshots of a printable guide titled Signs of Being Triggered on a navy blue background. White text reads: Signs of Being Triggered Free Printable Guide with a white arrow pointing towards the screenshots of the printable.

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About Kaylene

Kaylene George is an autistic self-advocate, author, and mother of five, including one autistic child. She realized her own autism as an adult shortly after her son received his initial diagnosis. Suddenly the parts of her that seemed so “weird” to society had an answer. Since then, Kaylene has passionately shared about her experiences with autism from both sides of the great divide between parents and autistic self-advocates on AutisticMama.com.