There are so many people making ridiculous assumptions and spreading misinformation about boundaries, especially when it comes to neurodivergent kids.
So today I just want to clear up some of the biggest myths and misunderstandings.
And if you believe any of these myths, it isn’t your fault…
You’ve probably heard one of more of these from your child’s teachers, or even their therapists!
But I’m here to tell you, they’re just myths that might actually be holding your child back (and they are for sure keeping your family stuck!!)
3 Myths About Boundaries for Neurodivergent Kids You Probably Believe
If we haven’t met yet, hey friend, I’m Kaylene!
I’m an Autistic advocate and parent coach, and I empower parents of neurodivergent kids to develop the unique flavor of parenting strategies that actually work for your neurodivergent child, your values, and your entire neurofamily.
If you want to dive even deeper into setting and sticking to boundaries that actually work, click here and watch my free masterclass: 5 Shifts to Effective Boundaries for Autistic Kids!
#1 Boundaries are Selfish
Somewhere down the line, we’ve gained the idea that boundaries are selfish.
We should never, ever, set and stick to boundaries with our kids because we should always be compromising with them and allowing them to make choices.
Now, here’s the truth: we 100% should allow our kids to make choices whenever possible.
They’re humans, and they have autonomy.
At the same time, all humans have to navigate very real boundaries that are outside of their control, like seatbelts and respecting other people’s bodily autonomy.
And holding your child to boundaries does not make you selfish or uncaring, it makes you a parent. Congratulations. :)
#2 Boundaries are Anti-Accommodation
So often we think that in order to hold a boundary, we need to drop all accommodations for our kids.
Basically that whenever we make our kids do their homework, stop hitting their siblings, or bathe themselves, we don’t care about their needs.
But that’s simply not true.
This line of either / or thinking puts accommodations and boundaries against each other, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
We can stick to a boundary while giving our kids all the accommodations they need to successfully navigate that boundary.
- We can make our kids do their homework, while accommodating their need to wiggle and take breaks.
- We can make our kids stop hitting their siblings, while accommodating their need to hit by punching pillows.
- We can make our kids bathe themselves, while accommodating sensory needs by using washcloths instead of the bath.
#3 Boundaries are Exhausting
Okay, this one is like a myth-light.
Because boundaries can be exhausting. But they don’t always have to be exhausting.
We’ve been told that holding to boundaries with neurodivergent kids is so exhausting that it simply isn’t worth it because our kids won’t ever understand or follow boundaries.
And that, friend, is a lie.
Our neurodivergent kids are just as capable of following boundaries as neurotypical kids are when they’re given the proper supports.
(also our neurodivergent kids are just as capable of misbehaving as neurotypical kids are, but that’s for a different email!)
The point is, holding to boundaries can be exhausting, but it is absolutely worth it. And when you do it in the right way, it becomes less and less exhausting as time goes on.
It really drives me up a wall that so many people believe these myths and that it stops them and their kids from really being successful.
Are you being held back by one of these myths too?
Now that you see they are just common misunderstandings, I don’t want you to let them stop you from setting and sticking to effective boundaries with your neurodivergent child.
That’s why I put together this free masterclass: 5 Shifts to Effective Boundaries for Neurodivergent Kids!
In the training, you’ll discover:
✅ 3 Rules of Effective Boundaries that you can use to set boundaries that stick even if your child walks all over every boundary you’ve ever set and it feels like you’re living with a tiny dictator
✅ The #1 reason your child isn’t following your boundaries (even though they’re totally capable because you’ve SEEN them do it before!) and how to solve it without constant power struggles
✅ 3 key differences between consequences and results and exactly how to navigate them with your child without resorting to parenting strategies that make you feel guilty AF
Click here to watch the free boundaries masterclass instantly!