My husband does bathtime when it hurts my back to bend over, he always cooks dinner, he takes all four children to the grocery store alone, and he keeps the kids when I need him to, whether for a haircut or a vendor event, or even the occasional lunch with a girlfriend. He’s wonderful, patient, kind, and loves our kids like you wouldn’t believe. But still, he isn’t “SuperDad”.
He can’t go anywhere with the kids without hearing someone say it, and I can’t go anywhere without my kids without someone telling me. “Oh wow, he’s SuperDad keeping all four kids!?”
Now, before you think I’m being a terrible wife to my clearly amazing husband, let me clarify that I’m writing this for him. There’s nothing that drives him crazy more than someone calling him SuperDad, or worse, saying that he’s “babysitting” for me when he has the kids.
5 Simple Reasons to Stop Calling My Husband “SuperDad”
Calling Him SuperDad is Sexist
Last week I went to get my haircut, so Chris kept Baby M and Miss S (the older boys were at their Oma’s) and walked around the mall for my 45-minute appointment. Of course, someone told him that he was SuperDad. He asked the person if the roles were reversed if I would be considered “SuperMom”, but of course not, because moms are supposed to have the kids.
That’s really sexist.
When Chris takes the kids out and about, people fall all over themselves to help him and tell him what a great dad he is. When I go out I get nasty looks and asked if I “know what causes that” over and over again.
The double standard that we have between moms and dads is insane, it’s sexist, and it needs to stop.
The SuperDad Label is Just Not an Accurate Term
Okay, I’m adding this one specifically for my husband, who happens to be very superhero obsessed. I’m not kidding, he has the SuperMan symbol tattooed on his arm.
To be a SuperDad, my husband would have to have super-human dadding abilities. I’m not even sure what that looks like. Like, can he change a diaper in 2.47 seconds? Does he have sleep-inducing vision that makes babies fall asleep instantly?
I don’t think so.
(If you’re reading this, babe, you’re welcome!)
Being Called SuperDad Gets Old
This is probably my husband’s biggest argument. He hears it every single time that he’s out with the kids. From strangers, from family members, from friends.
Everyone is very well-meaning, but it can get old whenever people are asking you the same questions every single day.
When I go out with the kids, I get asked if I “know what causes that” or if we’re “finally done yet”. Chris gets told how amazing he is and what a SuperDad he is.
If you heard the same thing every time you walked into a grocery store, it would get old. Especially if it was a sexist comment.
Saying that He’s SuperDad is Insulting
Bottom line, it’s really insulting for my husband to constantly be referred to as SuperDad. I know that you may see it as a compliment, but hear me out.
My husband doing basic dad duties and being told that it’s super implies that dads, and men in general, are incapable of parenting.
Dads can change diapers. Dads can feed babies (well, sometimes!). Dads can rock babies to sleep. Dads can push strollers, carry diaper bags, and babywear.
When we act like dads just cured cancer whenever they’re out in public with their children, we are undermining men’s ability to be an involved parent.
Our Children Are Listening
This is one I’m adding, that my husband hasn’t brought up. Our children are listening when these well meaning strangers are expressing their absolute shock and awe that their dad is with them.
What do they learn from this?
It teaches my boys that they should expect their wife to take on the majority of the parenting duties.
It teaches them that they aren’t expected to take an active role in their children’s life.
It teaches them sexism.
My boys are 6, 5, and 2. I want them to learn to be wonderful daddies. My 6 year old tells me all the time how he can’t wait to have babies and raise them. He was heartbroken when he learned that most of the time daddies don’t nurse their babies.
I want my boys to look up to their daddy and aspire to be a dad like him.
A wonderful dad. An involved dad. A patient dad. A strong dad. A helpful dad. A fun dad.
A dad who does bathtime when it hurts my back to bend over, and always cooks dinner.
A dad who takes all four children to the grocery store alone, and keeps the kids when I need him to, whether for a haircut or a vendor event, or even the occasional lunch with a girlfriend.
A super dad,
But not SuperDad.
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I cannot even tell you how infuriating it is for people to make comments like this to my husbands. He is pretty easy going, so he just shrugs it off, but some of things people will praise him for like buckling one of the kids in a car seat! Like your husband, mine is a great daddy and I do appreciate him very much, but he is doing what he should be doing, what he would hope for all fathers to do. That being said, he is a rare gem and I do tell him that I’m happy to have found a man like him.
You and your husband are awesome for going out alone with your 4 kids. Neither me or my husband are brave enough to do it alone often with our 2, but they are both runners when not in a stroller or shopping cart.
I avoid going out by myself with all four like the plague, but my husband does it like a champ!
Also, I completely agree. He’s wonderful, but he’s doing what dads are supposed to do… I would hope that all dads would be doing things like this!
This was a great article. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I’m laughing imagining a superhero dad with the ability to laser-vision his kids to sleep with his eyes. Hilarious. And the points you make are very clear. I really hadn’t thought about it (my husband does not get called superdad, but we’re also incredibly super-introverted and rarely do people speak to us–we kind of put out a vibe). But I can see where he might feel this way, too. Thank you, again, for sharing. And know I’m still chuckling. Heh.
Amen! We have a large family too and have dealt with the same double standard. I hope your post opens some individuals’ eyes and makes them question why this perception exists. I’ve always chalked it up to the pervasive low self-esteem a lot of women feel that usually manifests as criticism of others. If we see a woman who is doing something different than us, she must be doing it wrong because otherwise we must be OR she has some lucky circumstance (e.g. being married to Super Dad) that lets her handle more. I catch myself in the comparison trap a lot and it’s posts like this one that help me refocus. Thank you for writing it!
So very true….it is crazy how people view parenting even today. Thanks for bringing up a topic that needs to be talked about!
“Superdad” is a lot of undue pressure on a father.
That’s a good point!
Great post! I get the ‘Superdad’ thing too sometimes, for doing the most basic things with my kids,
I really like the points that you make here.
I love love love this post! Well written and so true. My husband is awesome, and i praise him all the time to others. However….I never thought that my son is listening. Will he think he shouldn’t be doing these things? Thank you for the food for thought!
I know what you mean that dads can do as much as moms. Yeah, it’s sexist to be called a super dad but I think they mean is that he’s a GOOD dad. I’m at the time where all my friends and myself are having kids, and the majority, definitely not all, are almost like single mothers due to the father doing the very minimal work. So I can imagine a person referring to him as “super dad”, just because so many drop the ball. But I do agree. The correct term would be good dad and I feel mothers doing the same thing should also be referred to as good moms .