Truth bomb, you didn’t create a monster.
Even if your neurodivergent child has a total epic meltdown whenever any teeny tiny thing doesn’t go exactly their way.
I know it might feel like that sometimes.
And let’s be honest, the whole world might even be telling you that you created a monster.
But I promise you friend, that is simply not true.
So over the next five minutes, I’m going to show you that you did not create a monster by accommodating your neurodivergent child and that you were actually doing exactly what you needed to be doing.
Plus, I’m going to show you the next step you can take to get out of this over-accommodation stage and stop feeling like the entire neurofamily has to walk on eggshells in order to avoid the next meltdown.
Oh, and the best part, I’m going to show you how to do all of that without pushing your neurodivergent child back into meltdown central.
Because we did not do all of this work getting them regulated, just for us to push them back into a dysregulated state.
(Prefer video? Watch the video version of this blog post above!)
Truth Bomb: You Did Not Create a Monster
To take what we’re learning today even further, I’m hosting a free workshop, the 3 Vital Steps to Develop Your Unique Flavor of Parenting Strategies.
In the workshop, I’m going to walk you through exactly how to determine what strategies will actually work for your neurodivergent child and your entire neurofamily.
Because here’s the thing, friends, neurodivergence does not exist in a vacuum, and you need strategies that work for everyone in the family.
Click here and register so you can attend the workshop (or catch the replay)!
If we haven’t met yet, hey friend, I’m Kaylene!
I’m an Autistic advocate and parent coach, and I empower parents of neurodivergent kids to develop the unique flavor of parenting strategies that actually work for your neurodivergent child, your values, and your entire neurofamily.
And in the five minutes it takes you to read this post, I’m going to share exactly how you got to this point in your journey where your child is mostly regulated…
…As long as absolutely everything goes their way 100% of the time.
I’m also going to be sharing your next step to move into the next stage where your neurofamily starts to have a lot more balance.
You Did Exactly What You Needed To… In That Moment
While society might be saying that you created a monster, the reality is what you created, friend, is a regulated child.
I want you to remember that in the not-so-distant past, you were probably dealing with overwhelming meltdowns, outbursts, blow-ups and explosions.
Now, those have mostly gone away.
It’s because you did exactly what your child needed most in that moment.
You needed to drop just about every demand and boundary that was placed on your child because they simply could not handle it.
You had to prioritize helping them regulate so that everyone in your family could function, not just your neurodivergent child.
So let me be really clear:
- You did exactly what you needed to in that moment.
- You did not “ruin”, “spoil” or “create a monster out of” your child.
- You did everything right friends.
Now You Get to Transition to the Balance Stage
Now that your child is mostly regulated day to day, you don’t have to stay in that moment.
You are ready to move from what I call the Regulate stage into the Balance stage.
The Balance Stage is where we start to balance all of those accommodations that we found that are working with “real life”.
Basically, you start to add things like boundaries and skill building, and routines back into your child’s life.
And I’m gonna be really honest…
This transition can be a tough one for even some of my best clients.
So I want to share one super small step that you can take to get you started so that you don’t stay stuck in the Regulate Stage like so many parents do.
Set & Stick To One Doable Boundary
You’ll want to start by choosing one doable boundary.
And I mean, doable.
We are not trying to get our kids to go to bed at 8pm when they have been staying up until midnight for ages.
We want this boundary to be relatively easy for your child to follow, and even more so, easy for you to stick to.
Once we’ve chosen that boundary, we want to create your plan to hold that boundary.
That simply means I want you to know exactly what you’re going to do and what you’re going to say when your child inevitably struggles with that boundary.
Because we do not live in a magical fairyland world where our kids will suddenly be able to do the boundary 100% of the time.
So we want to know, what are you going to do, and what are you going to say.
That way you’re not caught off guard, which usually leads to giving in entirely or resorting to super big and irrational consequences.
When you have a plan in place, you’re less likely to resort back to any strategy that never worked in the first place.
For a lot of you, this is probably only the tip of the iceberg, which is why I want to remind you, I’m hosting that free workshop with the three vital steps to develop your unique flavor of parenting strategies.
In the workshop, I’m going to walk through exactly how to find which strategies actually work for your entire neurofamily.
If you have ever been frustrated because
- You read all the parenting books.
- You take all the courses.
- You attend all the summits.
…and you’re thinking, is my family so massively broken that this stuff won’t work for me??
The answer is no. And you need to check out this workshop.
If you love this post, you should also check out:
- 3 Myths About Boundaries and Neurodivergent Kids You Probably Believe
- 4 Reasons Your Autistic Child Doesn’t Follow Boundaries
- 3 Steps to Take Before Addressing Your Autistic Child’s Behavior
