Sometimes I completely lose it on my kids.
Like, hulk-mom, rage-scream, “STOP-RIGHT-NOW-I’M-GONNA-LOSE-IT” type lose it.
Puh-lease tell me you’ve done this too.
And I know, it’s not for lack of trying NOT to lose it.
Most of us have read all the “magic tips” to stay calm and they maybe work for half a morning, but by 11 AM you’re downing your third microwaved coffee and counting down the seconds to nap time so you can just breathe for a minute.
Or we do our best, but our kids manage to push every single button we have and before we realize it we’re triggered and snapping at everyone.
Or we’re lying awake at night feeling awful because we flipped out on our kids and Suzy down the block never loses it on HER kids and our poor kids will need years of therapy because of all the yelling.
Friend, I know this because I have been there so many times myself.
So here’s my open letter to the mom who just lost it on her kids (that I totally plan to re-read every time I lose it on my own kids).
*Note, I use mom because I am a mom. This totally applies to dads, parents, and caregivers of all genders.
To the Mom Who Just Totally Lost it On Her Kids
You Are Not Alone
Before I dive in, friend, I want to remind you that you aren’t alone.
- You are not the only mom who loses it on her kids.
- You are not the only mom who doesn’t stay perfectly calm all the time.
- You are not the only mom who can’t seem to make the billion “stay calm hacks” work.
You are not alone.
I posted just the other day about losing it on my kids…
…And I am literally a parenting coach.
So here’s the secret, friend: Even those moms like Suzy down the block who appear to have it together ALL the time lose it sometimes.
Their “lose it” might just look a little different than yours does.
You Are Not a Bad Mom
The second thing I want to tell you, sweet mom who just totally lost it on your kids, that you are not a bad mom.
- Even when you lose it.
- Even when you yell.
- Even when you go into hulk-mom mode.
- Even when you hide in the bathroom and cry while your kids are pounding on the door.
You. Are. Not. A. Bad. Mom.
You are, however, human.
See, the reason we totally lose it on our kids is because we’re triggered. Our bodies and brains sense danger, and they are working to protect us at all costs.
And what feels more dangerous than our tiny humans who seem determined to poke us right in the eyeball?
When your kid screams in your face and you shout “GET OUT OF MY FACE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”, that’s your body trying to keep you safe.
When your kid tells you that they haven’t actually done their homework in three weeks and they’ve just been lying to you, and you don’t even have words so you just stare at them, that’s your body trying to keep you safe.
When your kids are so loud and running around and everything is so chaotic that you have to step outside and lock the door behind you for a minute just so you can breathe, that’s your body trying to keep you safe.
And being human does not make you a bad mom.
You Are Not Stuck
Now, friend, just because losing it on our kids is a totally normal human response, it doesn’t mean you’re stuck screaming at your kids forever.
I tell you this because while I used to lose it by 10 AM on the daily, now my hulk-mom episodes are few and far between.
And more than that, I know how to get out of freak-out mode and how to reconnect with my family after.
See, as an Autistic parent with chronic migraines and fatigue raising SIX neurodivergent kids… Triggered is basically my middle name.
But I decided that I wasn’t going to let that be my story. I wasn’t going to be the mom who stayed up late at night feeling guilty for how I treated my kids all day.
So I started researching and testing and researching more, and I found it really didn’t come down to just one magical hack.
What truly helped me to start to stay calm was creating a Stay Calm plan that took into account my unique triggers, freak-out types, and coping strategies.
And I don’t say this to toot my own horn and say “see, now I’m perfect like all those other bloggers with the magic hacks!”
But because I have found something that truly helps me stay calm most of the time, and helps me get calmer faster on those days I do still lose it.
And trust me when I say, friend, if I can do this so can you.
That’s why I’ve put together this free Stay Calm Starter Guide.
This guide walks you step-by-step through creating your Stay Calm Starter Plan that’s designed specifically with you in mind.
This isn’t about a cookie-cutter system, it’s about you becoming an expert in yourself so that you can create a plan that ACTUALLY works.
You can grab the free Stay Calm Starter Guide Here.