It’s often the first question I’m asked whenever anyone learns that I’m pregnant. Friends, family, and the old lady at the grocery store just can’t help it. People don’t even think before they ask you. “When are you due?” “What’s your due date?” “How far along are you?”
Well, this pregnancy, I’m not answering.
Okay, that’s not entirely true. My go-to response to people who ask is, “around the holidays”. When people push further I say “sometime between the beginning of October and the end of January” which is, of course, the definition of “the holidays”. This may seem silly to many of you, it even seems silly to most of my friends and family (sorry mom!) but it is something that Chris and I decided on very early in pregnancy. I didn’t realize how strange and abnormal our choice was until we started (not) telling people, so I figured I’d take the opportunity to share in a post why we’ve decided not to tell our friends, family, or the sweet lady at the grocery store the due date for our little one.
Why I’m Not Sharing My Due Date (With Anyone)
My Due Date Doesn’t Mean Much
This is true for all pregnancies, but especially for mine. A due date is nothing more than a guess of when your baby will come based on your last cycle and/or an early ultrasound. They take that number, add 40 weeks to it, and decide that is the day your baby is “due” to arrive. Thing is? That hardly ever happens. Roughly 5% of babies are actually born on their due date. That means that 95% of the time babies are born either before or after that date. Mr. C was born two days before his due date, A-Man was born six weeks before his due date, and Baby M was born seven weeks before his due date. Due dates in general don’t mean much for 95% of women, and when that woman has a history of preterm labor, it means even less.
Due Dates Stress Me Out
Like I mentioned above, my two youngest children have been born prematurely. My earliest was nearly two months early, but I began going into labor around 5 months pregnant. In fact, the first time I went to the hospital in labor with Baby M we were informed that because of my due date, if they couldn’t stop labor they wouldn’t even be attempting to save my baby. The medicines were able to stop labor, but I went to the hospital 3 more times before my water broke and he was born. Because of this type of pregnancy history, I watch for contractions like a crazy woman. The first hint of contractions and I lay down and drink a few water bottles until they go away. If I was adding on the stress of keeping track of when I get to the week that they would try to save my baby (23 weeks) or when my baby would be a preemie instead of micro preemie (26 weeks) or when my baby would be considered a late term preemie (34 weeks) I would only be going more insane during those pretty much weekly bed-rests.
Due Dates Stress Others Out
You’d think after you tell everyone your due date that would be that, but it’s not. Everyone, and I mean everyone, will have an opinion on your due date. Due on a holiday? You can’t do that to your child! Their birthday would be overshadowed! You should have your baby on this date [enter literally any date of significance within a month of your due date] because it’s so and so’s birthday. Better not have the baby on Sara’s birthday! Due in Summer? You’re going to be miserable. Due in the Winter? Better not mess with our Christmas plans! There’s really no winning with a due date. these are all things we’ve avoided by not sharing our due date. Plus, close friends and family who know about our prenatal history tend to think I’m in labor all the time. I can’t put my hand on my belly within three months of my due date without being questioned about going to the hospital. With no one knowing a specific date, I get to be a normal pregnant lady and touch my belly in peace!
I’m Not Even Paying Attention To My Due Date
I’m really not. I meant it when I said due dates stress me out. My OB, midwife, maternal fetal specialist, home health nurses, and all of the other medical personnel in charge of keeping me pregnant know when I’m due, but they don’t talk to me about it. I will be delivering at one of two hospitals depending on how far along I am when I go into labor. When that happens, I’m calling my OB and he’s telling me which hospital to go to, the one with the higher level NICU or the one that’s more baby/mama friendly. Realistically, it will probably be Chris who calls. I’m not a fan of being on the phone in labor, but you get the idea. We don’t even know where we’re headed until we chat with the OB.
The beauty in all of this is I don’t have to stress! I’m taking all of the steps that I can to stay healthy and make it to term, and the rest is in God’s hands. I’m going to go into labor when it happens, and yes, it will likely be “around the holidays”.
You’re right, normal gestational period varies from 38 to 40 weeks, so it is extremely unlikely that this forecast is really accurate, but it’s a useful tool for us to prepare ourselves for ours baby’s arrival, after all, is one of the most Important moments of our lives and the more we can be prepared, the best.
PS: I got your point. :)