(Inside: Even the best parent-advocates are making one of these 3 mistakes, but with this post, you can get through them faster or avoid them altogether!)
Are you making one of these three surprising mistakes that even the best parent-advocates make?
If you are like many of my very best clients, chances are, you probably are.
Now here’s the thing, I am talking about some of the best parent advocates I know.
The ones that absolutely love their Autistic child. The ones that listen to Autistic adults, and constantly advocate for their kids…
Even those parent-advocates are making these three mistakes.
I want to be clear—Making these mistakes does not make you a bad person and it doesn’t make you a bad parent.
(Spoiler alert, it makes you a human)
But these three mistakes do make your life harder as a parent-advocate, and I am all about making parenting your autistic child easier.
So I’m going to be sharing these three surprising mistakes that even the best parent advocates make with you today, and I’m curious if you, my friend, are making one of these three big mistakes…
3 Mistakes Even the Best Parent-Advocates Make
If we haven’t met before, Hey, friend, I’m Kaylene.
I am a mom of six neurodivergent kids, I’m an autistic advocate, and I’m a parent coach. I have helped hundreds of parents just like you parent their autistic children with ease through my communities, my courses, and my Embracing Autism Accelerator program.
If you count my blog, my page, and my free communities it is up in the hundreds of thousands of parents that I’ve helped drop the “autism mom” label and become the parent-advocate their Autistic child needs.
But today, what I want to talk to you about is specifically these three big mistakes that I see even the best parent-advocates make so that you can get through these mistakes faster or avoid them altogether. :)
Prefer Video? Check Out the Live Version of This Post Here:
#1 Skipping Accommodations
The first mistake is skipping over the accommodations that your child needs and going straight to boundaries in an attempt to minimize behavior struggles that your child is dealing with.
In theory, I understand why this happens.
When your child is struggling with behavior, the parenting industry, therapists, and professionals will tell you that it’s an issue of needing consistent boundaries
I’m not going to get into my issue with consistency—that is an issue for another time.
But the issue with boundaries in this stage is that when you skip over accommodations, you are missing a foundational piece.
Because let me tell you, friend, all the boundaries in the world will not work if your child doesn’t feel safe and regulated in the first place.
A child that isn’t accommodated enough to feel safe and regulated, doesn’t have the capacity to follow boundaries. It just will not happen.
To be clear, I’m not saying you can never set boundaries.
I am saying that if you try to skip the accommodation phase and go straight for boundaries and straight for boundaries, you will not get the results that you’re looking for.
Because all the boundaries in the world are not going to work if your child isn’t able or capable or doesn’t have the capacity to meet those boundaries.
#2 Walking on Eggshells
The second big mistake that I see people making is walking on eggshells, and this is when we over-accommodate to the point where everyone in the house walks on eggshells to avoid a meltdown or an outburst from your autistic child.
And I want to be honest, this is sometimes necessary.
Just like we talked about in the last step, you have to accommodate your child to the point where they feel safe and regulated on a regular basis.
The problem is when we stay here. Because we are not meant to stay in accommodation mode forever and ever.
So the big mistake that I see parents making is staying stuck in this walking on eggshells place where there’s no balance, no boundaries, and no sense of choice for anyone in the household.
This is where we start to see even the other kids in the household giving up, giving in, and saying things like:
- “nevermind, just let them choose”.
- “nevermind, it’s fine”.
- “just let be them have it their way”.
…And that is not how a healthy family runs.
This mistake, walking on eggshells, is one that just breaks my heart because I’ve been there, where the entire family is doing whatever it takes to avoid outbursts or meltdowns from one person.
I understand how necessary it can be sometimes when everything has to revolve around safety and regulation.
But we’re not meant to stay there. We don’t have to stay there. And this is the stage where we are ready to set some boundaries.
#3 Practicing “Hope” Advocacy
The third big mistake that I see parents make is practicing what I call “Hope Advocacy”.
Now this is going into advocacy situations without a clear strategy, and instead relying on hope that things will simply work themselves out, or that the team knows what the best solution is.
It’s basically thinking that it’ll all just be okay because we just hope that it will.
Spoiler alert: Hope Advocacy doesn’t work.
I mean, maybe it works in some cases… But I would argue that if it worked for you, it was probably a lot less because of the Hope Advocacy and a lot more because of many, many layers of privilege…
For the majority of people, Hope Advocacy is not going to get you very far in advocating for your child.
So instead, you have to be prepared in with a clear and effective strategy.
That means you have to know what accommodations work for your unique child and what you’re actually fighting for.
It means knowing your rights and your child’s rights in the school system or in the community.
There are a lot of moving parts to an effective advocacy strategy—knowing which type of advocacy you’ll use, your non-negotiables, your scripts, your exit strategy...
You don’t want to walk into an advocacy situation unprepared.
And so just to recap, those three big mistakes that I see even the best parent advocates make are:
- Number One: Skipping accommodations and going straight into boundaries
- Number Two: Walking on eggshells to avoid meltdowns, outbursts, or big behaviors.
- Number Three: Practicing hope advocacy strategies, which is not a real strategy or plan at all.
And if you want to hear more about how you can avoid mistakes like these, and how you can create a unique plan for parenting your autistic child with ease…
If you want to know exactly how to effectively advocate or how to stop walking on eggshells, or how to accommodate your child without burning yourself out…
Then I want to invite you to Embracing Autism Live.
Embracing Autism Live is a one-day virtual event that I’m hosting on April 20, and my goal is to pack a 90-day program worth of value into just one day.
This one-day event breaks down into four workshops!
- The Embracing Autism Evolution: One-size fits all strategies from old white guys with PHD’s and perfect parenting coaches is OVER. It’s time for the Embracing Autism Evolution. In this workshop, we’ll dive into the Embracing Autism Method and the paradigm shift coming for empowered parent-advocates. Get ready to have your mind blown wide open with aha-moments!
- Tell All Q&A Parent-Advocate Panel: Hear the whole truth and nothing but the dang truth from our panel of empowered parent-advocates who are implementing the Embracing Autism Method in their own unique way. You’ll discover the real-deal strategies that are working RIGHT NOW in parenting, and get to see how different families are tweaking the strategies you’re learning to fit their specific situations.
- Your Custom 90-Day Action Plan: Whether you want to set some boundaries that actually stick, get ahead of the meltdowns so your child (and you) can actually feel relaxed or effectively advocate with the school so that your child’s needs are finally getting met appropriately, even when you aren’t around, we’re going to use my unique lever technique to map out your custom 90-day action plan!
- Embracing Autism Mindset & Strategy: We’ll be taking a deep dive into the Embracing Autism Mindset and Strategies that you will need as you move forward from the retreat so that you can continue to make massive progress. Plus we’ll have an extended Q&A so that you have the opportunity to ask any and all questions about implementing the Embracing Autism method into your unique family situation.
Click here to get your ticket to Embracing Autism Live!
Plus we also have some bonuses:
- 6 Day Replay Access
- VIP Bonus Day
- Action Takers Guide Book
Click here to get your ticket to Embracing Autism Live for just $29!