If your child can talk, chances are you have heard them tell you that you’re mean. You may even be the meanest mom ever. If that’s you, kudos, sister! I am a fellow mean mom, and that is just fine with me. I don’t think that my life should revolve around my children, and they know how to behave. That said, each of my kids has different rules.
Some may say that makes me even meaner. The fact is, if you judge a fish by the ability to fly, it will think that it’s a failure. Mr. C is gifted academically and socially. He has a far greater understanding of rules and responsibility, so we hold him accountable for what he is capable of. A-Man has several developmental delays. He truly doesn’t understand some rules. His responsibilities are tailored to what he is capable of as well. Baby M is a baby, so he doesn’t have a ton of rules or responsibilities, but as he grows his rules will be made for him specifically.
How Am I a Mean Mom?
Chores
My kids start chores around two years old, depending on ability. Mr. C has several chores around the house including helping with laundry, picking up around the house, and making his bed. A-Man’s chores include picking up his toys, taking his bowl or plate from the dining table to the kitchen, and putting things in the trash. Each boys chores are tailored to their age, development, and abilities. It is their responsibility to help around the house. Our kids are not paid an allowance for chores. They help out around the house because they are a part of our family, and every family member contributes to the household.
Respect
We had some really big issues with respect and back talk from both of our older boys. It got so bad that I was crying to Chris that I didn’t know what to do anymore, and my kids are preschoolers! Finally we said enough is enough, and we showed Mr. C what it felt like when he wasn’t treated with respect. We let him try to finish a day of schoolwork without any help from mommy. He was not thrilled. He got a lot more of it done than we expected, but it was extremely frustrating for him trying to sound out the directions and get all of the work done himself. Now his entire attitude has changed and he has been very respectful of both Chris and I.
Entitlement
There are few things that I dislike more than children who feel entitled to everything that they have. We have regular talks about what other children have or don’t have, and about how thankful we need to be for our blessings. Mr. C really struggled with this because he gets a lot more “stuff” at his biological dad’s house than he does here, but he is really starting to understand his blessings and how lucky he truly is. The other night while saying grace he prayed that God gave all of the little kids that didn’t have dinner some food so they could eat like he can. It has been really wonderful watching the attitude of entitlement slowly but surely fade away as he grows to think of others before himself.
At first I was confused about the whole different rules thing but it makes sense and I don’t think this list makes you a mean mom as much as it makes you a good mom.
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Thank you! That’s what I’m hoping, but I think, at times, every good mom hears that they’re a mean mom! haha. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!
I have always established house rules, chores and good manners from an early age. Sure they may not like it, but it will help them develop in a good way “Mean” Mommas unite! lol
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Exactly! My goal isn’t for my kids to be perfectly happy all the time, it’s to help them grow into self-sufficient, respectful adults! We should start a mean mammas club!
Kids really do respect their parents for laying out boundaries. I raised my son the same way and hes just fine.
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Glad to know other moms are doing the same. Thanks for stopping by, Tammy!
I think this is great. I have an almost 2 year old and 6 month! She does “chores” now! I have little things laminated and she picks one and we do it together. ex: pick up toys and books before bed with mom, brush teeth with mom, push start on dishwasher, etc. It is never too early to teach cleaning and chores. :)
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That’s a great idea! I never thought about doing laminated pictures for them to choose. I’ll have to look into that! Thank you for sharing. :)
My oldest is 3, so I’ve yet to be told, “You’re mean!” but I’m sure it’s coming. Respect is so important to me, I would rather be a mean mom that instills good values than a cool mom who is best buddies. I think we have a better chance of being best buddies later if there is respect, accountability, and good parenting now.
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That is so true! I think a lot of moms get caught up wanting to be friends with their kids, but we have to remember to always be parents first!
What a great post–from one mean mom to another!
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Mean Moms Unite!
There’s nothing wrong with doing chores. It’s part of life and they need to know early on. I always tell my kids I love when they call me me or say they don’t like me. It simply means I’m doing the right thing for them. :)
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Yes exactly! I didn’t grow up with regular chores, so there were definitely things I didn’t know how to do when I grew up! Thank you for stopping by and sharing!
There are too many rude kids around, so like my rules yours will hopefully help your children become strong, respectful individuals who work for what they want to receive. Well said!
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Thank you, you are so sweet! That is definitely the goal as a parent. There are definitely more kids these days that are disrespectful to authority and expect to get things without working. I hope and pray that my kids don’t do that as they grow! Thank you for stopping by!
You’re not really “mean”. You’re a challenge type and kids are prone to misinterpret challenge types as mean. My parents are only challenge types for me as I’m the high-performer. I do well with challenge types as long as I am taught correctly and not set up for failure. A corrupted challenge-type nature can lead to setting unrealistic standards and possibly adversely affect your child(ren)’s mental stability, but a pure-of-heart challenge type will nurture productive and grateful human beings. I am only an autistic high school student interested in the hows and whys of human nature, so this may not be entirely accurate.
That is absolutely true, Anna! It can be difficult to make sure that when we give our children challenges we are giving them all of the tools necessary to meet those challenges. That’s one of the reasons that the rules in our home are different for each child. We take their “toolbox” of skills into account when setting their specific challenges. Thank you for reading! I hope you continue to comment. :)
God bless you! I wish more parents had this mindset because it would truly make the world a better place. And I don’t say that in a tongue in cheek sort of way at all! Parents like you raise children who are successful, intelligent, and valued members of society. Kudos to you and your boys!
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Why thank you! It can be really challenging. Sometimes it’s tempting to just buy them the toy at the store instead of dealing with the tantrum, but it is so worth it in the end! We work hard to raise our kids in a way that when they grow up they are ready to be “grown ups”. Thank you for your kind comment!