Walking on eggshells in your own home just to keep everything perfect for your Autistic child and avoid meltdowns or outbursts?
Oh friend, how I have been there!
That’s what I call “Eggshell City”, and I was a resident for YEARS.
And let me tell you… As a parent with six kids, it gets really exhausting and frustrating when your entire family starts revolving around the whims of one child.
You might even find yourself thinking…
- My life is run by a tiny dictator.
- I’m about four seconds from burnout.
- My other kids are suffering.
If that’s you, friend, you aren’t alone, and you don’t have to stay here.
So let’s get clear on exactly what your next step should be to move out of Eggshell City and create a family that co-accommodates each other.
Are You in Eggshell City? Here’s Your Next Step…
If we haven’t met yet, hey friend, I’m Kaylene!
I’m an Autistic adult and parent-coach that helps parents of autistic children drop the “autism mom” label and become the parent-advocate that their kids truly need.
So if you’re looking to be able to truly accommodate your child, balance your family life, and create real change through advocacy, feel free to hop over to AutisticMama.com/Apply and fill out the form to access an advanced private training!
What Exactly is Eggshell City?
Eggshell City is the term I came up with to describe the stage that most parent-advocates get stuck in once they figure out their child’s accommodations.
Basically, most parents start out in Meltdown Central, where their child is anxious, dysregulated, and constantly struggling with meltdowns, outbursts, or even self-harm.
But once accommodations are in place and their child is regulated and feeling safe… Eggshell City is right around the corner.
This is where parents, siblings, and pretty much everyone in a household walks on eggshells to avoid setting off the Autistic child and no one feels like their needs matter at all.
It’s really not a fun place to be, and you can start to feel like maybe you made the wrong choice by overly accommodating your child in the first place.
The truth is, you weren’t wrong to accommodate your child, and you definitely didn’t “teach them” to expect everyone to cater to their every whim.
In reality, you are exactly where you should be on your journey as a parent-advocate, and being in Eggshell City is simply the next step.
But that doesn’t mean this is a stage that’s fun or that we want to stay here forever. So let’s take a look at how to move out off Eggshell City!
How to Move Out of Eggshell City
To move out of Eggshell City, you want to focus on the Balance Stage of the Embracing Autism Method.
This is where you are navigating boundaries and behaviors, creating routines and systems, and building your child’s independent skills.
But that can feel really overwhelming… So I want to specifically zoom into navigating boundaries.
Because if you can get that down solid, you will start to feel more balance in your family almost immediately.
And I want to be honest… I could talk FOREVER about how exactly to navigate boundaries with your Autistic child.
(I actually have an entire workshop bundle that dives into it here!)
But in general, you want to start by identifying your most basic boundaries that you are going to work on implementing.
I suggest starting with laws, safety, and consent.
Then you’re going to make sure that you communicate those boundaries in a way that your child understands.
Think about communicating:
- Why it’s important to your family and your kids in particular
- What benefit do they get because of this boundary
- What it looks like to follow this boundary
- What it looks like not to follow the boundary
And finally, you’re going to want to get really clear on when you will be consistent and when you will be flexible with each boundary.
Here’s what that means…
I fundamentally believe that parents are adults that can make intelligent decisions based on their current circumstances.
Sometimes your decision will be to stay consistent to the boundary, no matter what. Sometimes your decision will be to be flexible with the boundary.
Neither of those are wrong, I just want you to be confident in deciding that ahead of time and feel good about your reasons.
Your Immediate Next Step to Get Out of Eggshell City
I’ve covered a TON in this blog post, but I’ve honestly only cracked the surface on how to truly escape Eggshell City for good.
That’s why I want to invite you to join me in the Balance Retreat Workshop Bundle.
This is a bundle of four specific workshops designed to help you step out of Eggshell City and into a family that accommodates each other:
- Workshop One: Balance Begins With You
- Workshop Two: Boundaries Like a Boss
- Workshop Three: Behavior Plans Made Easy
- Workshop Four: Becoming Balanced
Here are just a few of the aha-moments and lightbulb dings you’ll gain from the workshops…
- The 3 basic boundaries to add when you feel like your Autistic child runs your entire household
- How to know exactly when to hold firm to a boundary and when to be flexible, AND feel good about your decision so you can let go of the constant second-guessing
- The 4C’s of behavior so that you can discover exactly why your child is struggling to meet an expectation or follow a boundary every single time
- My 3-Step Process for handling whatever behavior your child throws at you without resorting to ignoring, bribing, or punishing.
- The truth about consequences and how to make sure your child is actually learning that their behavior isn’t okay (and that in the “real world” there are consequences for their actions)
- The 3 biggest mistakes that parents make on their journey to becoming truly balanced, and how to avoid each one
Click here to get the Balance Retreat Workshop Bundle now!
