Baby M is 17 months old [almost a year and a half for you non-moms who don’t count!] and he is still about 95% breastfed. He has a global developmental delay and sensory processing disorder, which makes eating solid foods extremely difficult for him. He eats pureed baby food about once a day, and other than that I am breastfeeding.
Now, you can imagine that at almost a year and a half, most toddlers eat a lot of food. Since my toddler doesn’t eat a lot of food, we spend a lot of time nursing to make up for all those calories. I am pretty much constantly breastfeeding. He nurses when he goes down to sleep and every time that he wakes up. He nurses every time that he bumps his head, or his brother takes a toy, or he heard a noise he didn’t like. He’s a big comfort nurser.
So, while nursing I was thinking about all the crazy thoughts that moms have while they’re breastfeeding. Did that even make sense? Whatever. I’m going with it. So I’m hoping that I’m not alone in this, but if I am at least you guys can laugh at me!
55 Thoughts Moms Have While Breastfeeding
1. He wants to nurse again?
2. I’m going to be breastfeeding until he’s in college.
3. What side did I start with last time?
4. Whatever they’ll both get deflated anyways.
5. I should have peed before I started this.
6. Could I pee while breastfeeding?
7. I totally could.
8. That takes too much energy, it’s practically yoga.
9. I should start doing yoga.
10. …..I’m not going to do yoga.
11. I hate teething.
12. Why aren’t babies just born with all their teeth?
13. Oh goodness, that would be horrible! Babies should not be born with teeth.
14. Wasn’t breastfeeding supposed to make me skinny? I think the baby book said it would.
15. Maybe it would if I didn’t eat cookies while nursing.
16. Oh.. Oh dear, cookie crumbs all over my chest.
17. Eh, I’ll clean it later, at least it’s not puke.
18. Oh no. Please don’t spit up in my bra, that would be seriously gross.
19. I used to have cute bras.
20. Oh, time to switch sides.
21. Stop screaming at me, this takes literally two seconds.
22. My baby is such a little piggie.
23. But he’s so cute!
24. I could totally nurse forever.
25. Except, it would be nice to have girls night last more than a few hours because we have to go feed the babies.
26. I need a girls night soon.
27. I should organize one.
28. That would take energy.
29. Plus, that would cut into my Netflix time.
30. I’m not going to plan a girls night.
31. Breastfeeding makes me hungry.
32. I know I just had that cookie, but I kind of want some chips too.
33. Don’t let crumbs fall on the baby.
34. Ohhhhh the crumbs fell on the baby.
35. Eh, he’ll get a bath this week.
36. It’s probably bad that I watch tv while breastfeeding.
37. Shouldn’t I be staring at my baby the whole time in awe?
38. Awwww, you’re so cute!
39. You’re just eating. You’re not even doing anything.
40. I’m watching tv again.
41. Stop hitting my face.
42. Stop pulling my hair.
43. Stop being such a bully!
44. Oh my word, I’m raising a bully.
45. I’m pretty much failing as a mother.
46. No I’m not, I’m breastfeeding. That counts for something, right?
47. Yeah, he’ll be a super genius or something.
48. A super genius bully…
49. Oh, are you done?
50. You aren’t really doing anything.
51. You’re just hanging there..
52. I’ll just fix my shirt and..
53. Okay, okay, okay! You can keep the boob that you aren’t even nursing from.
54. Here look at this toy over here..
55. YES! He’s done!
So that’s just a glimpse of how my typical breastfeeding sessions go. Am I alone in this? What crazy thoughts have you had while breastfeeding?
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