Tell me you’ve been here…
You read a post with a bunch of “stay calm” tips from a blogger who says she hasn’t yelled at her kids in four years and you are READY.
All you have to do is…
- Take a deep breath
- Put a rubber band on your wrist
- Say a magical mantra
- Remember your child isn’t doing this on purpose
- Insert whatever your blogger of choice gave as the one magical hack
You start out your day, and when your child LOSES IT because their socks feel weird, you manage to stay calm.
*High five to you!*
Then when one kid pokes the other kid until there’s a huge screaming match, you handle it with a tense tone through gritted teeth.
That counts as calm, right?
And then right before lunch…
- One kid is yelling at you for making grilled cheese when they HATE grilled cheese (even though grilled cheese is one of their favorite meals)…
- And another kid is wailing about a toy not working right…
- And then another kid demands to pour the milk without help and spills it everywhere…
Before you know it, you’ve turned into hulk mom and totally lost it on your kids.
Clearly those stay calm tips are ridiculous and you’re just destined to be an angry mom, right?
The fact is, you can stay calm, even when the world is in total chaos around you, but it isn’t quite as simple as the million and four bloggers make it seem.
In fact, I’ve discovered 3 key mistakes parents make when trying to stay calm… And that’s what we’re going to dive into today.
3 Mistakes Parents Make When Trying to Stay Calm
Before I jump into the first mistake, I want to take a moment and say that it isn’t your fault that you struggle to stay calm.
We are all human beings, and when we totally flip out it’s actually our body’s natural systems taking over to try to keep us safe.
Losing it on your kids doesn’t make you a bad parent. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It literally makes you human.
So while I’m sharing the 3 “mistakes” parents make, I want you to see these as lessons.
Because once you recognize the mistakes, you can choose a new way to approach staying calm, and you will see more progress than you ever have before.
#1 Believing You Can’t Stay Calm
The first mistake I see parents make when trying to stay calm is believing that they can’t stay calm in the first place.
Let me explain…
Many of us have been trying and failing to stay calm for years.
And many of us have legitimate trauma in our past that we feel causes our instant response that’s far from calm.
And many of us simply feel like our body’s natural response is to freak out, and those parents who can stay calm don’t have that same natural response.
But the truth is, all parents can stay calm (most of the time) if they approach it the right way.
(Pssst… Want a free guide that shares exactly how to stay calm that ACTUALLY works? Click here!)
#2 Searching for a Magic Hack
The next mistake I see parents make when trying to stay calm is searching for one magic hack.
Here’s the deal, the tips, tricks, and hacks are super helpful, but if you are someone who struggles to stay calm it will take more than that to see real progress.
The best way to actually stay calm is to get to the root of WHY you’re struggling to stay calm and address that.
Here’s what I mean…
Let’s say that you absolutely lose it on your kids because you are completely touched out and your sensory seeker hits you.
All the magic stay calm hacks in the world won’t make a difference (at least not for long) because they don’t address the true cause… Being touched out.
That’s why in Parenting While Triggered, the new course I’m building, we are focusing on discovering our unique triggers, finding coping strategies that work with our natural responses, and creating plans that we can actually follow through with.
(Pssst… Wanna be the first to know when the doors to Parenting While Triggered open? Click here!)
Bottom line, those surface-level hacks are great reminders, but the real progress comes when you address what’s going on under the surface.
#3 Going It Alone
And the third mistake I see parents make when trying to stay calm is going it alone.
Like I mentioned before, there is a lot of work involved in uncovering what’s causing you to freak out and put plans in place that will help you stay calm.
And it’s so much more difficult to do that work all on your own.
You need a place where you can freak out without being judged, brainstorm new coping strategy ideas, and get support when you feel like you’re going to lose it.
- Maybe that’s your best friend.
- Maybe it’s your spouse or partner.
- Maybe it’s a safe community you are a part of.
Wherever it may be, you definitely want someone in your corner as you work through your journey toward staying calm.
Now, I want to help you take your first steps toward truly staying calm, and it goes well beyond a magical hack that would fit in one blog post…
So I put together this brand new Stay Calm Starter Guide.
This guide goes in-depth into the entire process to create a Stay Calm Plan that actually works, and I was originally planning to offer it for sale in my shop.
But I know that many of us are struggling with trying to stay calm while we are stuck in our homes, so I’m giving the entire guide for free here.